I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
