There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is the high leading the old right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
