All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
