if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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