where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
