she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
