i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
