we have officially lost it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
