I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
