So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
