is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Randomize
