You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
