I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
