dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
