I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
