I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
