my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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