If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
