I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
