I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
