Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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