well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize