If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
