dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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