Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
