....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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