sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
