Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
