you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
