Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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