when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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