all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
