We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
