Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
