found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
