get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
