I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You smell like a Billy Joel song
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
