I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
