My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
