I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
