like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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