garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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