Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Boobs speak an international language.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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