We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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