I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
