There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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