he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize