i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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