So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
