when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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