I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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