FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
