walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
