one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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