I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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