I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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