I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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