What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
