as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
