theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
