There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
