i think my tv is drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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