Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
