he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
