this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize