I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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