I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
