Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
