2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
