I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
