So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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